May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
