Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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