I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
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You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
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all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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