Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
