why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
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not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
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Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD