I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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