DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
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So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
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I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.