if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.