So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.