i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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