She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
