This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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