I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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