i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
17 year olds will be the death of me.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
whose parrot is this?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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