This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
