my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I would fuck him just for his dog
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
