Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
