i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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