I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she woke up with a sticky ear
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
