normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
