I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
