And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
