So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
