Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
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Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
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You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I love you. Go after that dick
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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