i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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