I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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