The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
