You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
