can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
