Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
