Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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