Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
