you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
