kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
