my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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