it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
