I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
