Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
