I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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