My nipple is on Facebook.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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