I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
