wrigley field is MILF paradise
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you will always have a special place in my vag
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
