Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
