..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
