it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
