there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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