I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
