Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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