Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
