his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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