bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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