I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
