we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
