I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
