I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
