you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
