Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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