I just cut my nipple shaving
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
