Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
