She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
