Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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