apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
