The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
