Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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