how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I am midnight drunk by noon
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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