Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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