Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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