your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
No subtext here. People are naked.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Randomize
