dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
