my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
