So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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